Petrol Bastard Review

PEtrOl BaSTarD

We need to talk about Gavin

15 Track Album

Release Date: 11th October 2016

By: Pagan Hel


Gavin is a Pineapple?

Petrol Bastard – Leeds/Huddersfield


Listen here if you have your sense of humour with you! If not leave well alone!

Inside cover photo Copyright Nick Jackson

All tracks mastered by Johnny Ultraviolence

Genre: Punk, Drum, Bass & sweary nonsense!


Ben & Jon


The fourth studio album from nutters Petrol Bastard that’s all you need to know!

There are no other bands out there like Petrol Bastard. No other band could make blue pants sound interesting or poke shit at a serious subject “IDGAF What the Doctors say!” and more importantly, get away with it! But Petrol Bastard are well known for their ridiculous songs and sweary, shouty lyrics, it’s what makes Petrol Bastard, Petrol Bastard after all!

I must admit I am still saying “What’s for tea Wahim?” – Potato! In my best Yorkshire accent, from The Very Worst of Petrol Bastard’s squelchy “Beefy Grandad!” but just as you think you have a favourite track the bastards produce yet another album’s worth and have you scratching your head in turmoil! Great for such a shit (hot) band. There’s plenty to discover on this 15 mega track album, so I am sure some catchy lyrics will be rattling around in your head for decades! Well at least until the next album hits at least!

Gavin (Intro) – is a great little opener and really pushes you into the dark recesses of a dance floor to sample its greatness. It’s quite good musically as well as an afterthought!

Full English Buckfast – what makes PB unique must be, apart from their lyrics is the accent, oh and a catchy chorus that always helps! So get those sausages down your neck!!!

My Favourite Blue Pants – has a thunderous beat drilling its way inside your head along with really out of tune vocals that sound like a pissed Football crowd on a Saturday night – that obviously needs a crime number! And how do they go from blue pants to rape is anyone’s guess!

You sent your Grandad on Robot Wars – employs a really sexy rhythm and bass – but I feel very sorry for their Grandad’s as they always seem to be the butt of the jokes, however, it’s as catchy as fuck! So who cares?

Yorkshire Piss Bomb – now who but Petrol Bastard can make a track sound so mainstream and yet so good? Probably nobody else on this planet, is the answer to that, but this time, it’s Yorkshire having the piss extracted from it! Some great grooves on this as well!

Six Cheeseburgers – yes a wheelchair would suffice after 6 Cheesburgers – that’s the real disability here! Well I hate cheese! But to this fast beat it really brings new meaning to a McFlurry!

IDGAF What the Doctors say – This has to be one of my favourites on the album being so apt with my situation, although I haven’t been shitting blood to my knowledge, one thing at a time please lol! But the night is young as they say! A sunny day makes all the difference apparently! It all comes down to shit in the end!

Nobody knows what happened in Glasgow – begins with a good highland fling and a Scottish accent – but it’s hardly a Yorkshire accent is it? However, it isn’t without the Yorkshire twang for long and of course a bludgeoning pumped up rhythm that swings like a kilt back to its Scottish roots, be it well out of tune! But made in Yorkshire! Aye!

Transit Van – is rather a repetitive mash of lyrics under a swathe of “Get in the transit, get in the tranny!” not much left to say really! Apart from hurry up!

It’s not drink driving if you’re in a Ford Capri – I suppose not! Next they will be saying it’s OK to drink and drive!! Now it’s a Ford Capri that comes under fire, nothing is safe with Petrol Bastard around, they will write about anything ordinary and make it a big ordeal.

Me & Anne Diamond – When I have caught my breath and wiped the tears of laughter from my face…. The knob twiddling is somewhat cool along with the robotic vocal and squelch that PB are famed for!

How 2 Fite – is a very angry track, at least it comes across that way and I suppose the title is a dead giveaway, but the catchy element gives rise for celebration on the dance floor at least, but why not pick a fite with your dance partner and celebrate the track in style?

Fuck off Pauline – I knew a Pauline once, she fucked off!

Frosty Jack’s Robot Greggs Wankathon – back to the angry stomp and ‘shouty’ lyrics that screams (s)punk! Its fast and furious pace leaves one feeling rather confused and after hearing this will give you a headache the size of, well Yorkshire of course!

Promo Paradiso – allows the listener a nice respite as its tones are just mega superb! There I said it! Petrol Bastard know how to play some tremendous riffs, rhythms, and notes when it suits and this is one such time. It really sparks an interest away from their punky humorous side and switches to a more serious musical slant.

Well this album supersedes ‘The Very Worst of Petrol Bastard’ (apart from Beefy Grandad, nothing will out-do that track!)

Petrol Bastard are indeed a force to be reckoned with. Their brand of humour hits well below the belt, but if you haven’t got a sense of humour, what the fuck? You shouldn’t be listening to Petrol Bastard!!!

‘Live’ the bands antics shine like a newly shit out turd that glistens with plenty of glitter on it! I mean ‘come on’ it takes brains to sing about shit and transit vans in a Yorkshire accent, if you don’t believe me – try it, it isn’t easy! Personally, I think Gavin is one lucky fucker being the centre of Petrol Bastard’s affections, even if he is a Pineapple!

It is so hard NOT to like Petrol Bastard I know, I have tried, honestly! But somehow their edgy synth rhythms and plausible lyrics just get me every time! And their talents also stretch to some crazy video’s to accompany their humorous tracks! So check them out too!

Catch the band live if you get the chance – once seen NEVER FORGOTTEN!

** Favourite tracks:

You Sent your Grandad on Robot Wars

IDGAF What the Doctors Say

Me & Anne Diamond

Fuck off Pauline

Promo Paradiso


Track List:

Gavin (Intro)

Full English Buckfast

My Favourite Blue Pants

You sent your Grandad on Robot Wars

Yorkshire Piss Bomb

Six Cheeseburgers

IDGAF What the Doctors say

Nobody knows what happened in Glasgow

Transit Van

It’s not drink driving if you’re in a Ford Capri

Me & Anne Diamond

How 2 Fite

Fuck off Pauline

Frosty Jack’s Robot Greggs Wankathon

Promo Paradiso


Ben Atomgrinder

Jon Tetsuo



4 Track E.P

Released 26.7.15

PB Cover

More love than you could shake a stick at! 

Petrol Bastard – Leeds


Download here if you dare:

Petrol Bastard Merch


Written, recorded, produced and mixed by Petrol Bastard at Petrol Bastard studio Leeds

Mastered by Ultraviolence

Artwork by Petrol Bastard based on a photo by Emma Wagner

PB Band

Jon and Ben


Jihad Trombone – 2012

Dripping Gash – 2012

Nice Jacket Dickhead – 2014

U R FUK – 2015


Genre: Electronic Punk Rock / Break-step – in other words twatty techno punk bullshit!


And now for something completely different…


It is very easy to call Petrol Bastard – shit if you take your music seriously, BUT there comes a time when you just have to sit back, relax and put on a bit of Petrol Bastard – even if it is only for the fun of it!

The Petrol Bastard Army follow in their idols shoes and adopt a ‘twatty’ approach too by bending all the rules and going against the grain! But it is all part of an elaborate hoax to make you succumb to Petrol Bastards requirements, and a lot of us have fallen for it already! Because it is different! For me it has to be the keyboard sounds and the cheeky lyrics that fester in my head and this E.P as short as it is, gives you just the right amount of Petrol Bastard without you becoming a hospital casualty!

This is a free download E.P and you have to smile when you read on Band-camp “High Quality Download” with Petrol Bastard you could get anything! even Aids of the ears is possible, but one thing is for sure – it will bring either a smile, a grimace or ultimate shock to your facial features – which one will it bring to you?

The first track ‘Hey Petrol Bastard’ is a blaze of mutant keyboard and shrill harmonies that can boast some funny lyrics that everyone can relate to. Its twisting and gut wrenching rhythms are just as twisted as PB themselves, listen out for the line “Is it true that you gave Terry Wogan a wedgie?” ‘Kin ‘ell!!

This is about a trip to Greggs! Entitled ‘Fuck Off’ although I don’t think their customer service lasted long after a visit from Petrol Bastard! The melodies running through this track along with very likable lyrics is very moreish! Maybe even more moreish than a Gregg’s Pastie!

Sailing very close to the wind on this track ‘Don’t beep for the Retard’ It is spoken in a very clear voice at the beginning at least until Jon explodes into a tirade of abusive lyrics to a very chirpy keyboard melody – that you can’t ignore. His yodelling is fuckin’ shit – but hey very funny!

‘Oi Lad’ boasts an epic sound of trumpets and double vocal harmony that is surprising even for Petrol Bastard standards which we know is a very low affair, but still, there are lots of ‘sweary’ moments to be had here and unfortunately it’s very catchy so no doubt once you get this in your head you will have a very hard time trying to get rid of it!


The rhythms are just so likable in a shit way of course.  I thought ‘Jihad Trombone’ would never be equalled however I think this E.P has done it, despite only having 4 tracks, so that doesn’t say much about me does it? But there is nothing like being quirky and individual is there? And Petrol Bastard once seen (and heard) are very hard to ignore no matter how hard you try!

The cover says it all as well – with the love affair of Jonathan and Ben living happily ever after! Awwwwww!

Long live Petrol Bastard – why? Because they are fuckin’ shit (hot)



Track List:

Hey Petrol Bastard

Fuck Off

Don’t beep for the retard

Oi Lad      



Ben Atomgrinder

Jon Tetsuo

Crimson Moon Zine © 2015